This Is My Therapy

Moving!

2011-08-10T02:03:00.005+08:00

I moved to a blogging engine with a friendlier interface for my mobile phone - blackholestomach.tumblr.com. Much love and peace out! Have a good Ramadhan. Drink plenty of water. Grab this opportunity to do as many good as you can. Repent past behaviours. And start over from today onwards till the next Ramadhan. Make this as the moment for your 'new year resolution'. InsyaAllah Allah will guide

Fighting this paranoia

2011-07-27T11:19:00.004+08:00

Dreams are your subconscious mind trying to tell you something. But what if it's too paranoid? Then you know that you now have to use your brain and intuition to fight that paranoia. Whatever happens in the past doesn't predict the future. You can still fight it today. If your life's not about fighting your own demons, then it's a life not worth living. I woke up today with this weird dream that

A Peek

2011-07-20T02:14:00.004+08:00

It is kind of silly actually. When you read at what these people actually fight for. Don't they know they are the fabric of the society and whatever they weave in their lives make up the whole interconnected world they live in? But you can't really judge someone personally on account of their raw emotions and reactions. What you can actually do is connect these strings of facts thrown into your

Three Generations Apart

2011-07-14T01:02:00.002+08:00

This is me playing a Yamaha keyboard with my former band at Lepak Cafe. This is my mum with her guitar in her 20s.This is my grandmother in her 30s with Uda (who resembles Noah according to mum).Reminiscing the ladies in the house and their history. Tears streamed down my face looking at arwah Atok's pictures. I will make my family proud one day. :)

Two Can Play That Game

2011-07-06T07:55:00.003+08:00

T-Shirt, courtesy of Afiq. :PHe's soon to be in practical! Excited. :DThe cutest duo on earth! Hugs and kisses for both of them. Work & study section of my room. A little desk at the corner.I have been keeping myself busy. It's okay to glance back to see what you've been tripping on. Thankfully, I didn't fall flat on my face, regained my balance and I'm walking again. No limping or crawling. I'm

Tutup Cerita Lama; New Chapter Begins Now

2011-06-29T16:49:00.004+08:00

Performing on stage - one of my favourite past time. I think this picture is by far the coolest for me. :)Layan lagu epic ni dulu. :)

Do I Set This Stick Bridge on Fire?

2011-06-27T00:39:00.007+08:00

It's like saying, hey I know I hate you and I don't want to see you ever again so I did everything in my power to make sure you're not within my reach of acknowledgement without my consent so I deleted you off from all the reachable social network sites that may have you pop out in the 'newsfeed' or made you easily accessible through its search bar and I think I must've deleted your number and

So Here Goes a New Chapter In My Life!

2011-06-24T01:37:00.003+08:00

My gap year (which is actually more than one year of gap) from studies is coming to an end. Soon I'll be embarking on a new challenge. This is me against myself - discipline for time management and resisting temptations to stray from my future goal. What this means if in 4 months I can keep up and cope, I'll be up on another plane of existence InsyaAllah!So, you see, it doesn't mean that when I

All I can say is

2011-06-17T02:15:00.002+08:00

:P :P :P :P :P :P Sometimes narcissism can get out of hand. Anyway, I tried a little bit of something out of the box. Got myself out there in the real world where people actually judge you by how you look, walk, and talk and you know what, it was fun. It was definitely an eye opener and I got a different kind of perspective. I might try again in the future who knows - if I have the time. All I

Displine

2011-06-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

I really need to follow this timetable to make full use of my off days. 9-11 Physics11-12 Lunch12-2 Maths2-3 Research on piloting and aircrafts3-4 IQ test onlineBreak! Soon to add: Mandarin classesI'm going back to 'school' people! So excited to start tomorrow.

What Goes On Here

2011-06-10T23:31:00.007+08:00

A lot of stuff in my head at the moment.Apart from all of that, I need to write a letter to decline the offer from Cardiff because I can't go there now especially since I don't have the much needed fundings to support myself there. :( Just for good measure, I'll write a thank you note at the end of it for considering me. It has been a productive day today. :)

Long Way To Go

2011-06-09T02:00:00.003+08:00

I'm reminiscing the time when I first saw the Guy. :) He was singing a reggae piece at a mutual friend's barbecue. Funny thing is, I was the keyboardist of the band that time and I didn't even know his name. Haha. My involvement with that side of the circle has benefited me some experience in music, friendship, and brotherhood. I didn't realize that the Guy had his eyes on me long before that

Alhamdulillah

2011-06-08T12:04:00.001+08:00

Our very own homebred Malaysian music. More of this please!

It's So Loud Inside My Head With Words That I Should Have Said

2011-06-06T13:43:00.002+08:00

Listen to the lyrics by the rapper.I wonder how far he can go. Sounds promising, but can he keep up with all the pressure?

A Moment to Ponder

2011-06-06T12:40:00.004+08:00

It's hard enough now. Imagine how it'll be like for our kids. Education. Social stigma. Jobs. Back then, the environment teaches the young ones. People help each other, advice when things are not right, support when there is a need for support. Now, the corrupted media confines us in our bedroom. Makes us ever more fearful of everything else outside. The world doesn't revolve in your bedroom or

Moving On To The Next Step

2011-05-28T12:18:00.009+08:00

It's those little things that makes you reflect and say "Wow, I've done a lot back then."I did quite a few odd jobs before I even started thinking of having a career. Along the way I found and grew up to my own way and my own path. My taste in relationships - lovers and friends - have been tried and tested as well throughout the years in my secondary school towards the end of my college years.

I'd rather be ridiculously impossible anyways.

2011-05-24T20:01:00.006+08:00

Ever tried Googling your name with quotes on? You'd be surprised. ;) My mum always say never put stuff online especially when you have bad things to say about someone/something. Why? Because putting quotes on restricts google results to only that particular phrase and not those words separately. I mention this because I found some entries about me in the past that I didn't know of. Somewhat

Atah's Secret Garden

2011-05-24T14:11:00.002+08:00

I like this flower particularly because of the little flower bud next to that blooming flower. So pretty. And it doesn't take much to look so pretty. There are times in high school where I believed that there were fairies in the garden, and little pixies dancing and hopping on the pebble stones. I believe this is my grandma's mantra for keeping up with the garden 24/7. Some people drink, some

Those Sharks should be Left Starving Out There! Arrr!

2011-05-22T14:40:00.006+08:00

I did put on a little weight. So what did I do? I've been at home, eating, resting, recuperating, loving, sleeping, and also, I've been working of course. Time is not to be wasted on the unknown. You can get your head crazy thinking of all of the 'what ifs' questions. I've been scouting around for paths to take. What should I take, should I continue management studies, should I take on a new

I Speak On Behalf of My Comrades

2011-05-19T17:46:00.005+08:00

From: ;Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 12:43 PMSubject: Reference No: 20110518C11153 - Feedback ON MANAGEMENT - xxxxxx (IC No. :xxxxxxxxx) - xxxxxxxTo: janetwooi@legendagroup.edu.my, xxxxxxx@gmail.comDear xxxxxx,Thank you for submitting your feedback to Legenda Education GroupReference No : 20110518C11153Description : To whoever who is holding back my HND Business Certificate

The Fine Line Between These Two Worlds

2011-05-17T13:16:00.007+08:00

I woke up today with the melodic voice of the Bilal who calls for Zuhr prayer. Missed yet another Subuh prayer. Bad habits die hard.I see what is going on right now. The process of simplifying one's life is to remove problems from recurring. The easiest way to do that is to have spring cleaning of your life - remove bad relationship, remove pricks and thorns of a relationship, remove the whole

You Can Hit It In The Morning

2011-05-13T00:48:00.000+08:00

I swear, these boots are the most comfortable. Worth every hard-earned penny. I feel like going some place faraway to get away from this superficial society. Running away is not the answer though. Will need to be firm and keep myself from being too friendly with trolls.And who else would want to go through everything with me? We just got into an accident recently. Settled it together like a pro.

Previously in ...[insert your favourite chill out place]....

2011-05-07T04:10:00.010+08:00

Haha! I am very very much a social retard I have to google and lookup whether I was having a friendly banter or an argument. I think it was an argument. But nahh, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. To those who are curious enough (including myself) I am going to write about what I've been up to these days. I will feel at ease when I jot these things down. And when I'm calmed and relaxed,

Your Birthday This Year Is Coming

2011-04-27T20:54:00.003+08:00

May comes too soon. Suddenly it has been 5 months since the breakup. There wasn't anything defined, but the breakup was definitely defined. Do I feel angry and sad about it? I did. But sometime in the future I know I'll peek at the past and will laugh about it. For now, it has been a lesson learned and I'm still taken aback with the whole transition. What triggered me to write all that was a

Alhamdulillah

2011-04-23T21:35:00.008+08:00

Have you ever felt so free and liberated after finally finding that perfect someone who clicks. Like the whole package of a person just fits into your criteria. That feeling of finally having someone who you can be yourself with? This feeling, it's somewhat like an emancipation of some sort. Whereby I was once a slave, in disguised of all the pretty and expensive gifts, but thanks to a glitch in

This Time

2011-04-07T19:59:00.002+08:00

I choose right. Not left. Not gray. Not in the middle. Nope, been there, done that. I choose the good side.

Get Your Facts Right

2011-04-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

Everything changed that day. I brokedown, I made a leap of faith and opened up. I know what I said also involves others but to have it kept inside me for almost a year with no moral support is exhausting. There aren't any recurring breakdown of the situation anymore lately, but it helps if the people I shared my worries with actually took some time to understand before they come out with

Note To Self

2011-03-20T19:07:00.001+08:00

If you don't have supporters from your hometown, cast the net wider and you'll be sure to find that you're not alone all along. The best support you can ever get is from you yourself. Peace! \m/

Abigail Williams - "Into the Ashes" Candlelight Records

2011-03-18T02:02:00.000+08:00

You

2011-03-14T12:51:00.005+08:00

We did challenges after challengesWe defined this into somethingWe create memoriesWe painted old ones into new onesPlease dear selfNever suppress the old ones, reminisce but not too muchAnd I am sorry that you are in white and end with tears to someone who used to be specialBut you are very much alive to meSo here it isIt's a long journey for usGodspeed!

Here's A Toast

2011-03-14T12:49:00.001+08:00

for a humble beginning of our story.

A Closure And A Beginning

2011-03-07T00:13:00.003+08:00

I have hoped for the wrong person to be the light at the end of the tunnel. The result for that one is utter mess and absolute disappointment. I've been cheated and lied to for such a long time, that when the time needs me to believe, I cannot make myself to believe anymore. I believe that every person who comes into the picture in our life is to teach us a lesson. And a damn good lesson it has

Disappointed

2011-03-02T09:17:00.008+08:00

Men in my life are, in general, a disappointment and/or a failure. So I don't put so much expectations on them. Better for me to do my own thing and forget about everything else while I'm in this foul mood. Who likes waking up in the morning listening/hearing someone shouting at you and making accusations about your habits? Like as if you know my every move, my every step. Don't assume the effort

You Are A Keeper

2011-02-16T01:10:00.002+08:00

Women, I read somewhere, learn to believe their guts and instincts even more as they grow older. So for this one, I believe I am making the right choice. I will always treasure what has been taught, the lessons and the discomfort I had to go through to get to the end. If it wasn't for that, I would've known exactly what I want. It's easier to know what you don't want because next time, you know

Reminder To Myself

2011-02-08T11:23:00.004+08:00

I got an email and a text saying that there's something that I should know. And supposedly today's the big day for the best thing I'll ever hear. Well you know what, bak datang!!! I know he's just trying to scare me, but I'll remember to be the better person and strong. If you love someone so much, you shouldn't scare her away like this. Epic fail.

Goodbye Jahilliah

2011-02-07T15:11:00.002+08:00

"They wondered why beauty was not married to beauty, and they began to mix with each other, and before unlawful copulation began to be practised there arose great confusion and trouble in the land." - from the Lore of Light Volume 1.Now I understand.

Mr A.

2011-01-30T18:46:00.000+08:00

I Decided That This Is Going To Be Good

2011-01-29T03:54:00.003+08:00

Insanity is when you do the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. I will not fall into the abyss of blind love and loyalty if the feeling is not mutual. I have been patient enough but there are times that I need to think for myself and be selfish. This time I have made my choice. The leading man has to know how to lead and know how to make me stay. Like I always tell myself

All That Has Passed

2011-01-25T15:06:00.001+08:00

Goodbye.

Let Me Go

2011-01-23T17:48:00.004+08:00

As the violins murmur in deep tranquility, neurons of thoughts and decision making ignited like sparks; weighing in past events, defining terms, analyzing pros and cons, forecasting compatibility with current facts and cementing thoughts into action. A thought is just a thought, but when you act it out, that is how you are made. Yes I observed and I see that this vicious pattern has to stop, and

Cold

2011-01-17T20:07:00.001+08:00

Heartache

You Have Decisions To Make

2011-01-17T12:12:00.004+08:00

Instead of listening to me, please listen to what you're saying. You undermine me and make me feel small all the time. All the time, I'm serious. I don't fit well in such a condition that makes me feel small, useless and redundant. If my help is not needed, don't ask for it in the first place if you're just going to make me feel useless. I don't feel like I am respected and appreciated.

Our 2nd Last Event with This Particular One

2011-01-16T10:48:00.001+08:00

The event was discussed months before. Action plan is initiated two weeks before the show. Albeit the firm blueprint, nothing is really confirmed yet because of the incompetence of The One Who Pulls The Strings Of Us Puppets. Naturally, as an independent entity, we refused to let go of our principles. We have our separate clients from the main organizer. We have our own plans in the future, not

Two-Way to One-Way

2011-01-14T07:15:00.004+08:00

Ego and pride is eating my heart bit by bit.Slowly the brain picks up those hidden cryptic message into hard facts.Rock hard facts such as the following.I'm young and society hates high achievers who make it big too early. Fact.Those who are older only talk and they don't listen to their underlings. Fact.Low morale equals to low performance which leads to unsatisfactory results. Fact.A human

That Vacant Sign Will Turn To Occupied

2011-01-09T22:57:00.009+08:00

Aspirations. It is a dreadful topic to talk about. Conversations with the small circle led me to believe that my aspiration has never been to find The One, but more prominently, is to find inner happiness, peace and wealth of knowledge and luxury. I believe that when it is time to happen, it will happen eventually. For now the inevitable will cause a wave of disturbances like a high-pitch ringing

Turning 21 Very Soon

2011-01-04T13:04:00.000+08:00

Dear God, keep me sane.

Migraine

2011-01-03T10:51:00.002+08:00

What if this is all happening to me because I am doomed to be alone forever? Oh no no no no nooooo...must not think like this. This is poison-thinking! Too much drama and already it is only the third day of the year.

2010

2011-01-01T17:16:00.002+08:00

There were issues of religion, self identity crisis, priorities orientation, "monkey sphere" alignments but it was all good and good for the grace of God. Happy New Year everyone! God bless.

Liberated

2010-12-31T02:11:00.004+08:00

The most liberating feeling ever is when you say out loud what you've kept inside from the very person you want to vent to. I feel liberated and free. There I said it, the cat's out of the bag they say, and you got speechless. I know you never knew it'll come, but it did. Do I feel bad and sad about it? Sure. But will I get over it? Yes I will. Just like you will too. However it'll go, the

Dealing with Difficult People Takes Time and Practice

2010-12-30T13:56:00.003+08:00

Monsters are everywhere, seriously.

Here Is A Reply For You

2010-12-29T17:27:00.006+08:00

Recently I had good conversations with people around me and they make me realize that I am very blessed. Even though there are pitfalls somewhere along the line, but each and everyone of us has a story to tell. No struggles, no story, that's not life.

Write A List For The Heart, and Another For Logic

2010-12-29T00:06:00.002+08:00

Growing up is not easy, children!

Bitch, Shut Up Already

2010-12-28T17:55:00.002+08:00

Once Bitten Twice Shy

2010-12-26T11:13:00.004+08:00

Sadness goes away gradually. When you think it's gone and you feel on top of the world for not shedding a single tear, that's when your brain pick up memories from the past, and let you remember, the feeling and emotions that you so loved to feel back then and how you so hate to have them now.Wish they've invented brain washing pills. I so want to forget! Sigh.Pre-Monday blues,Sunday's for snooze

I Love Christmas because...

2010-12-24T22:34:00.004+08:00

1. There are creative nice cards2. There are nice christmasy songs3. It reminds me of family & loved ones gatheringsMerry Christmas to all my Christian friends.

I've Made My Decision

2010-12-23T00:23:00.002+08:00

Better to have hope (and be optimistic) than to rest in despair and depression. Let's hope for the best. XOXO

Escapade

2010-12-22T08:19:00.001+08:00

So here I am, sitting solo in the hotel restaurant; the vacation mood is sinking in.. But at the back of my head I dread the thought of going back to my hometown. 300 for a night stay here; pretty pricey considering the downturn of the company recently. But it does not matter. I have promised to stay and I will, I won't leave the company in ruins especially when it has helped me elevate my

Not Okay

2010-12-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

So difficult to trust anyone these days...Just when I thought it's okay to bring those walls down...

Not Happy With This

2010-12-20T11:51:00.002+08:00

What do you do when two stories don't add up?

Where's Your Telephone Etiquette, Girl?

2010-12-19T22:54:00.009+08:00

If you want to talk about something serious, ASK if it's a convenient time for me to engage in a conversation with you at the time because if you straight away accuse me of something, I might blow up and I won't want to help you in anyway. It's even worst when you are totally out of my priority list of people I want to talk to, and the subject you are talking about doesn't concern me AT ALL and

Happy Birthday Nina!

2010-12-18T19:23:00.002+08:00

I love you little sis. Take care, seriously!

Survival

2010-12-14T09:51:00.003+08:00

I listed a bunch of reasons why I'm not happy with myself, and slowly shred the paper into tiny pieces, imagined that I'm digesting the reasons and turning them into goodwill to change. And when I'm done, I cleaned myself up, said my prayers, and drove back home to where I belong. Hello world, here comes the sun.

Helloooooo it's like 2011 soon!!!

2010-12-08T15:19:00.003+08:00

About three or four years back during Raya at my grandmother's house (father's side), we were all sitting at the dining table eating rendang with pulut. My grandmother asked me if I knew how to cook any traditional Malay food, at least how to cook rice. I'd answer truthfully, but I was very ashamed with the answer that spewed out of my mouth. Nowadays however, I answered confidently that I don't

O+H+EY= Facial Mask #1

2010-12-08T11:51:00.002+08:00

The whole facial mask thing is really experimental. I have two times worth of facial paste now. If I don't keep it in the fridge I think I'd bake it. The whole ingredient to make it is oh so delicious! Yummmmmyyyy..

Wake Up Sunshine

2010-12-08T07:08:00.003+08:00

My personal treasury is not all stellar lately. Instead of fussing over it, I will redirect my concern towards my health and skincare. I am looking forward to go swimming and treat myself for a home spa! :D I heard that people get most creative when they are hungry for something. Oh this is one of those moments!

Swimmer

2010-12-06T11:58:00.000+08:00

The farthest I have traveled alone is to Penang. That time I didn't have a car yet, but even so, I managed. If I had continued my studies, I guess that fact would change. But no matter, dreams can be stalled. Mind you I don't let go of what I want, it's just delayed. Instant gratification often comes to those who are not deserving. For now, I'm more of a homebody, slothing my way around in this

The Headlights Dims And Fades Slowly As The Battery Dies Out

2010-12-05T20:21:00.005+08:00

"If I was a man just for a day. I'd take my time on you. That's what a man would do. And once I had my way, I'll get up get up and walk away.I'll get to know your familyI'll make your friends fall in love with meJust happens all so easily. EASILY!I'll have you think that I'm the one.You'll play your part I'll play along.We can have a lot of fun.Until I'm done." -PCD If I Were a ManFacts

Hibernating

2010-12-05T15:29:00.005+08:00

I have been in hibernating mode for quite some time. Went M.I.A, and AWOL countless of times; dropping myself out from any kind of social radar. And I'm not sorry for it. I need my time alone. Physio and psychological metamorphosis is in process.

Confession 1

2010-12-04T12:38:00.004+08:00

I have decided.I am not going to further my studies until I am financially stable WITHOUT relying and depending on scholarships. And I mean it.When I don't have money, I had to be creative to the extend of using my piggie bank coins, seriously! Just because I don't want to ask money from my dad. So dad, I'm sorry, but scholarships fucked me upside down, wasted alot of our resources and where does

Don't Wanna Bare It All Out; It's Cold and Cruel Out There

2010-12-03T00:26:00.018+08:00

Roger is up on a platform and talks for an hour or so at a stretch. The gist is that humans tend to collapse what happened in their past with the story that they tell about what happened in the past. Forgive and forget; if you cling to your “story” that your father was a mean drunk who beat you, you’ll get trapped in that word-picture, and never open up any possibility in your life.In delivering

Break

2010-12-01T10:00:00.002+08:00

Body clock's changing recently. Two days back I've been a nocturnal creature, sleeping just before dawn. Today I wake up an hour earlier than usual. Vitals checked. Pressure's down. Abnormal symptoms are absent. I think it's all in the mind. It's all in the mind. Never skipped breakfast since last month. It helps. This is how I manage myself without intervention. Quite proud of myself. :) I need

Research #3

2010-11-30T11:08:00.000+08:00

http://bigfatfinanceblog.com/2010/07/12/an-interview-with-a-ceo-you-might-want-to-work-forhttp://bigfatfinanceblog.com/2010/11/16/a-better-approach-to-planning-initiatives/#more-1250"Hurricane response centers don't just go back and assess damage, they get out in front of the storm and into a position where they're anticipating what's happening. They have contingency plans in place, and they know

Research #2

2010-11-30T03:26:00.000+08:00

The biggest area of strategic bias is the value-versus-profit dilemma. Some organizations focus on the customer, following the philosophy that profits will follow as a logical consequence of providing value. But this is not always true. Most customer profitability analyses show that a certain percentage of large and respected customers are often simply not profitable. Having large account teams,

Research #1

2010-11-29T15:06:00.000+08:00

HauteLook’s push into Facebook could indicate that social commerce—the notion of using social media to generate traction around online shopping—may become more critical over the coming months for the success of e-commerce companies. source: http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/22/hautelook-brings-flash-sales-to-facebook/?scp=7&sq=luxury&st=cseFrom 2003 to 2008, women's apparel sales tended to

The List

2010-11-26T12:37:00.000+08:00

I shall have the list at bay, but still keep in mind that I do have to always be honest. Why? To protect myself, and to protect everyone else. I'm like a ticking time bomb. It could happen anytime, and ANYTIME at all.. DIE!!!!!!! But anyway, the list is convenient, and helpful. There must be a reason for all this to happen. Should the sky fall down this minute, I am at peace of mind, because I

The Consequences

2010-11-24T23:49:00.001+08:00

Prior to my previous post, you can do so on your own and practice your Googling prowess. I am humbly too lazy to share that as it only caters to those with acquired taste and I am in no mood for that now.However, I do want to share on how we often forget to think further ahead with our present actions. Sure you made mistakes but did you ever think that they were mistakes when you had them? Of

Silently Productive

2010-11-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me why I was googling this. I've been keeping myself busy, but at the same time I've been looking up many articles including short stories of famous people before they came to be and of alhadith from Al-Bukhari on menses, providing for the family and of being good; voiding myself of self contempt and irrational self criticizing and hurtful online contents from unimportant people. The

I Don't Know How You Feel About This But.......

2010-11-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

I received this email from my dad. He emails me jokes and stories sometimes, just to pass time, and keep me in touch with what he's reading and thinking. But I find this one in particular as something for all.Subject: Appreciation.... well worth passing on to our kids AppreciationThis is a powerful message for our modern society. Many seem to have lost their bearing & sense of valuing parental

Let's Face It. Life Is Shit But You Have Everything In Your Hands To Change It

2010-11-17T21:01:00.000+08:00

You will not regret and condemn yourself if you understand. God gives you grievances because He knows you can carry it. He is Most Merciful.

To Those Selected Readers

2010-11-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

The old blog has been moved to http://captainsjournal08-10.blogspot.com

Happy Birthday Therapy Blog

2010-11-17T20:41:00.001+08:00

I deleted everything I wrote in this blog. We move forward from now onwards!