I woke up today with this weird dream that taps into the core of paranoia. I woke up today with the feeling of being afraid to start off a new relationship or friendship because of the bad experiences I had. I did not want to let the past cause so much of an impact on my life, but when it tackles my subconscious, now that's damn serious and I need to discuss this with myself to take down this paranoia demon.
So what I did was I told myself that I should not give in to this feeling. There are others who actually do appreciate who I am. I cannot control others who are not happy with the choices I make, but I can very well appreciate those who are happy for who I am.
Despite the cold exterior I portrayed in class, when I speak up in class it shows that I do know what I'm talking about. More often than not, I actually did corrections for the lecturer and made eye contact to further strengthen my conviction. And even when I didn't make any new friends in class yet, some of them do come up to me to ask about assignments - but only to have me walk away
Ok well I know I should not have done that but I was so lazy to make contacts in class! Maybe subconsciously, that was the start of the paranoia.
So alright. Next time in class (which is actually a week from now), I should talk more with classmates. Who knows I might find someone I actually like. And being the youngest in class is a bonus for me. I can act all dumb and innocent, with that wide-eyed enthusiasm bursting through my eyes. Haha.
Truth is, you can never know what the other person is going through. Maybe a smile and a 'hi' can brighten up his/her day. :) Be nice people. I should do the same too. :)
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