Mr A.

I Decided That This Is Going To Be Good

Insanity is when you do the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. I will not fall into the abyss of blind love and loyalty if the feeling is not mutual. I have been patient enough but there are times that I need to think for myself and be selfish. This time I have made my choice. The leading man has to know how to lead and know how to make me stay. Like I always tell myself and my girlfriends, "kita ni bunga, kumbang ada banyak. they'll come and they'll go. but we'll just stay stationary, sebab kita ni bunga." And I think I've found my kumbang. :)

All That Has Passed

Goodbye.

Let Me Go

As the violins murmur in deep tranquility, neurons of thoughts and decision making ignited like sparks; weighing in past events, defining terms, analyzing pros and cons, forecasting compatibility with current facts and cementing thoughts into action. A thought is just a thought, but when you act it out, that is how you are made. Yes I observed and I see that this vicious pattern has to stop, and the only catalyst for it must come from someone, and if you can't see that, I'll lead.

Tell me. Who else is a better fit to lead your life than you yourself?

Cold

Heartache

You Have Decisions To Make

Instead of listening to me, please listen to what you're saying. You undermine me and make me feel small all the time. All the time, I'm serious. I don't fit well in such a condition that makes me feel small, useless and redundant. If my help is not needed, don't ask for it in the first place if you're just going to make me feel useless. I don't feel like I am respected and appreciated. Everything I do is completely mediocre for you. I tried my best. I pushed hard and as far as I could, and it's still not enough.

Without black and white, I will not work for/with you like this. Good luck finding another me for replacement.

Our 2nd Last Event with This Particular One

The event was discussed months before. Action plan is initiated two weeks before the show. Albeit the firm blueprint, nothing is really confirmed yet because of the incompetence of The One Who Pulls The Strings Of Us Puppets.

Naturally, as an independent entity, we refused to let go of our principles. We have our separate clients from the main organizer. We have our own plans in the future, not relating to this particular event provider.

In this particular project, we have three parties the operations manager have to take care of - the organizers, the team member and our clients. Satisfying all needs skill which can only be earned through experience. I am glad that I have a competent teammate throughout the whole grueling process of battling personal profit for the big picture.

At the end of the day, we need everyone to feel a sense of accomplishment and enjoy the fruits of their labor. And we did, Alhamdulillah, we did excellently guys! Let's reach out for a more efficient operations in future events. Amin!

Two-Way to One-Way

Ego and pride is eating my heart bit by bit.

Slowly the brain picks up those hidden cryptic message into hard facts.

Rock hard facts such as the following.

I'm young and society hates high achievers who make it big too early. Fact.

Those who are older only talk and they don't listen to their underlings. Fact.

Low morale equals to low performance which leads to unsatisfactory results. Fact.

A human being can only take so much rejection and neglection and my tolerance bar is almost tipping off its boiling point. Fact.

So what do I do now...

That Vacant Sign Will Turn To Occupied

Aspirations. It is a dreadful topic to talk about. Conversations with the small circle led me to believe that my aspiration has never been to find The One, but more prominently, is to find inner happiness, peace and wealth of knowledge and luxury. I believe that when it is time to happen, it will happen eventually. For now the inevitable will cause a wave of disturbances like a high-pitch ringing in your ear you can't scratch out of your head. This emptiness needs to be filled up. And it shall.

Life. What is it without the dramas?

Turning 21 Very Soon

Dear God, keep me sane.

Migraine

What if this is all happening to me because I am doomed to be alone forever? Oh no no no no nooooo...must not think like this. This is poison-thinking! Too much drama and already it is only the third day of the year.

2010

There were issues of religion, self identity crisis, priorities orientation, "monkey sphere" alignments but it was all good and good for the grace of God. Happy New Year everyone! God bless.