Fighting this paranoia

Dreams are your subconscious mind trying to tell you something. But what if it's too paranoid? Then you know that you now have to use your brain and intuition to fight that paranoia. Whatever happens in the past doesn't predict the future. You can still fight it today. If your life's not about fighting your own demons, then it's a life not worth living.

I woke up today with this weird dream that taps into the core of paranoia. I woke up today with the feeling of being afraid to start off a new relationship or friendship because of the bad experiences I had. I did not want to let the past cause so much of an impact on my life, but when it tackles my subconscious, now that's damn serious and I need to discuss this with myself to take down this paranoia demon.

So what I did was I told myself that I should not give in to this feeling. There are others who actually do appreciate who I am. I cannot control others who are not happy with the choices I make, but I can very well appreciate those who are happy for who I am.

Despite the cold exterior I portrayed in class, when I speak up in class it shows that I do know what I'm talking about. More often than not, I actually did corrections for the lecturer and made eye contact to further strengthen my conviction. And even when I didn't make any new friends in class yet, some of them do come up to me to ask about assignments - but only to have me walk away

Ok well I know I should not have done that but I was so lazy to make contacts in class! Maybe subconsciously, that was the start of the paranoia.

So alright. Next time in class (which is actually a week from now), I should talk more with classmates. Who knows I might find someone I actually like. And being the youngest in class is a bonus for me. I can act all dumb and innocent, with that wide-eyed enthusiasm bursting through my eyes. Haha.

Truth is, you can never know what the other person is going through. Maybe a smile and a 'hi' can brighten up his/her day. :) Be nice people. I should do the same too. :)

A Peek

It is kind of silly actually. When you read at what these people actually fight for. Don't they know they are the fabric of the society and whatever they weave in their lives make up the whole interconnected world they live in? But you can't really judge someone personally on account of their raw emotions and reactions. What you can actually do is connect these strings of facts thrown into your face in this huge Tantrix puzzle together.

Alternatively, you can be lazy and forget about it and live your life as you should. A friend of mine mentioned from her experience, that when you walk away from the the hands who wanted to put all the fights behind, you yourself will be the one nursing that guilt of not staying and questioning and answering all the what ifs in your head. I have done my part in this piece of puzzle. There is nothing else I can do but live on and prosper, InsyaAllah.

Three Generations Apart

This is me playing a Yamaha keyboard with my former band at Lepak Cafe.

This is my mum with her guitar in her 20s.

This is my grandmother in her 30s with Uda (who resembles Noah according to mum).

Reminiscing the ladies in the house and their history. Tears streamed down my face looking at arwah Atok's pictures. I will make my family proud one day. :)

Two Can Play That Game

T-Shirt, courtesy of Afiq. :P

He's soon to be in practical! Excited. :D

The cutest duo on earth! Hugs and kisses for both of them.

Work & study section of my room. A little desk at the corner.

I have been keeping myself busy. It's okay to glance back to see what you've been tripping on. Thankfully, I didn't fall flat on my face, regained my balance and I'm walking again. No limping or crawling. I'm back on my feet. I may be clumsy but I know how to bounce back. Thank you for the opportunity you have given me to grow stronger.