Your Birthday This Year Is Coming

May comes too soon. Suddenly it has been 5 months since the breakup. There wasn't anything defined, but the breakup was definitely defined. Do I feel angry and sad about it? I did. But sometime in the future I know I'll peek at the past and will laugh about it. For now, it has been a lesson learned and I'm still taken aback with the whole transition.

What triggered me to write all that was a certain email from a fling in the past. Not sure what his intention was - purely work or there's something behind the whole proposal. Will keep a positive mind to it. Who knows, I might get something good out of this opportunity.

Alhamdulillah

Have you ever felt so free and liberated after finally finding that perfect someone who clicks. Like the whole package of a person just fits into your criteria. That feeling of finally having someone who you can be yourself with? This feeling, it's somewhat like an emancipation of some sort. Whereby I was once a slave, in disguised of all the pretty and expensive gifts, but thanks to a glitch in the almost perfectly calculated plan of the megalomaniac (which I really have to thank Allah for letting me see what I wasn't supposed to see), I got myself experimenting and water testing and here I am, emancipated and hooked to the idea of being with this very person, this underdog, this dark horse, this who-would-have-thought-she'll-be-with-this-guy?-kinda person. He helps to elevate me from blind to enlightenment - spiritually, emotionally and psychologically.

I'm not saying we never had our fights, we do fight and it's always because of the past. But then again, without the past, we can never be where we are now. We learnt a hell lot from them. Just need to be grateful. Even though I carry these scars with me till I die, the scars are there for a reason. I get to be more attentive to my own body's needs for healthy diet, exercise and hygiene, spend more time with loved ones, have time for self-development and learning new things. How I love doing the things I love - see places, play music, know people, be myself.

I appreciate and am very grateful to have these handful of friends and a companion to go through all the hardship and pain besides the neverending fun and laughter in life, and a family who supports and love me unconditionally even though I am in between jobs for more than a year. Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Next I will wait for UM to reply with positivity on my application. I have a feeling I will have to postpone my dream to study overseas because of the financial constraints that I am currently facing. No scholarships = no overseas. But that is alright. More time for me at home~ :)

Been a while since I blog after the scrapbook I made. :)

You'll hear from me in another month silent readers. :)

This Time

I choose right. Not left. Not gray. Not in the middle. Nope, been there, done that. I choose the good side.

Get Your Facts Right

Everything changed that day. I brokedown, I made a leap of faith and opened up. I know what I said also involves others but to have it kept inside me for almost a year with no moral support is exhausting. There aren't any recurring breakdown of the situation anymore lately, but it helps if the people I shared my worries with actually took some time to understand before they come out with assumptions. There were many instances that I kept myself quiet about, only to find myself typing this out through my Blackberry because of the lack of girlfriend I could talk to. So lesson learned, majority of the people you share your stories with don't give a shit because they don't know what you've been through to get where you are right now. Only a minority understands and have some compassion before they blurt out their half-done facts.

I can't wait for the weekend.