Tutup Cerita Lama; New Chapter Begins Now

Performing on stage - one of my favourite past time.

I think this picture is by far the coolest for me. :)

Layan lagu epic ni dulu. :)

Do I Set This Stick Bridge on Fire?

It's like saying, hey I know I hate you and I don't want to see you ever again so I did everything in my power to make sure you're not within my reach of acknowledgement without my consent so I deleted you off from all the reachable social network sites that may have you pop out in the 'newsfeed' or made you easily accessible through its search bar and I think I must've deleted your number and your memory off my mind as well because I forgot that you have a condition that will make you depressed and have this recurring disease to break out when you are at your lowest point because your immune system is weak and you know what I really don't care because you don't matter to me BUT STILL, I want you to know what's up with me so I made sure you can see what is in my mind by having at least one person in our mutual friend list that I know you can rely on to read me and to see that I'm fine without you in my life.

Wow. How twisted is this?

What in the world were you trying to prove? That you are always right? That everything must be in your way? That I cannot have a life? That I shouldn't be happy? That some things can never change and improve? That I suck and you're awesome?

Come on. Life is not about you or me. Think for a moment. Everyone is fighting something. I may not look like I have no problem with whatever, but I'm always fighting. Some are fighting for their dear life, some are fighting for the family, some are fighting for their friendship etc etc. I am fighting as well for some of the reasons above and many more. Why must you make it so difficult by burning the bridge that we so carefully built over the years? Do you really think the foundation is built with only stick and stones? What about the kindness and love cemented through the problems and happiness shared?

While I was driving with my dad, he noticed that the sound of the engine is a bit higher than usual. My dad asked me if I can have an opportunity to ride a friend's myvi sooner or later to compare that sound. Frankly, I said to him, I don't think I'll ever have that opportunity anymore because I don't have a friend who rides a myvi. She's gone, together with him. Him definitely because he literally tried to delete me off. And my dad was surprised. He mentioned something about the financials he had to cover from a former misadventure I had with him which I have long forgotten, and for that, other parts of financial or emotional constraints I had were reminded. It is a mystery why I can accept him as he is after all these times; and all the while I kept myself quiet to keep the peace and yet he couldn't accept me for the way I am. Sigh. What to do, I don't matter anymore.

Even though I am the sacrificial lamb, I want you to be happy and I don't want to hold you back from whatever you're doing. I wish you the best in life for whatever is going to happen. Today is your day. Tomorrow is another day for me to conquer. I will pull myself together.

Before I do this, I apologize for all the wrongdoings, the misconceptions, the backbiting, the gossiping that I may have done intentionally and unintentionally with or without you. So here I am with a lighter in my hand, ready to set this stick bridge on fire... Goodbye friend.

So Here Goes a New Chapter In My Life!

My gap year (which is actually more than one year of gap) from studies is coming to an end. Soon I'll be embarking on a new challenge. This is me against myself - discipline for time management and resisting temptations to stray from my future goal. What this means if in 4 months I can keep up and cope, I'll be up on another plane of existence InsyaAllah!

So, you see, it doesn't mean that when I am deleted from existence, I am wiped out from growing and becoming more than I could. It is unfortunate though, I miss these certain people. :( But hey whatever, I read this from one of the blogs in my list :

"Being dumped is actually the best motivation to help push you to succeed in life"

Nice... It's like he was in my head momentarily when I read that. Thanks! :P

In this 4 months, what else can I do for some pocket money? :)

Shall start looking for a part time job.

All I can say is

:P :P :P :P :P :P

Sometimes narcissism can get out of hand. Anyway, I tried a little bit of something out of the box. Got myself out there in the real world where people actually judge you by how you look, walk, and talk and you know what, it was fun. It was definitely an eye opener and I got a different kind of perspective. I might try again in the future who knows - if I have the time. All I can say is, insyaAllah, in God's will. Amin. :)

Displine

I really need to follow this timetable to make full use of my off days.

9-11 Physics

11-12 Lunch

12-2 Maths

2-3 Research on piloting and aircrafts

3-4 IQ test online

Break!

Soon to add: Mandarin classes

I'm going back to 'school' people! So excited to start tomorrow.

What Goes On Here

A lot of stuff in my head at the moment.

Apart from all of that, I need to write a letter to decline the offer from Cardiff because I can't go there now especially since I don't have the much needed fundings to support myself there. :( Just for good measure, I'll write a thank you note at the end of it for considering me.

It has been a productive day today. :)

Long Way To Go

I'm reminiscing the time when I first saw the Guy. :) He was singing a reggae piece at a mutual friend's barbecue. Funny thing is, I was the keyboardist of the band that time and I didn't even know his name. Haha. My involvement with that side of the circle has benefited me some experience in music, friendship, and brotherhood. I didn't realize that the Guy had his eyes on me long before that barbecue. Added me up on facebook but typically me, decided to ignore people I don't recognize unless their mutual friends are above 10 people. It was only after about 6 months rotting in the long list of friend request that I finally approved of The Guy! Haha.

He was ending a relationship with his long time girlfriend, I was struggling to end a relationship with an emotionally abusive working partner. The timing was perfect, like God has intended each of us to have our hearts broken and toughen up, I decided to break the habit and came open with the concept of nobody's gonna look out for myself but me. Took a leap of faith and I opened up to him as honest as I can be. No more hiding, no more lies. As honest as I am to him, to my surprise and pleasure, he did the same too. He told me of his downfall in the past, revelation and comeback, and we found ourselves pleased to find that we're both looking for the same thing - something solid from the start. And with no masks on, we proceed and pledged to be as we are today.

Even though I wanted to be strongest as I can be, there will always be a soft side in me that can break down when it comes to what really matters. And though I struggle to understand why - besides how he has accepted me as I am - my flaws, my weaknesses, my past - I just love him so and hope for this to go on for a very very very long time. :')

Good night readers!

Alhamdulillah

Our very own homebred Malaysian music. More of this please!

It's So Loud Inside My Head With Words That I Should Have Said

Listen to the lyrics by the rapper.

I wonder how far he can go. Sounds promising, but can he keep up with all the pressure?

A Moment to Ponder

It's hard enough now. Imagine how it'll be like for our kids. Education. Social stigma. Jobs. Back then, the environment teaches the young ones. People help each other, advice when things are not right, support when there is a need for support. Now, the corrupted media confines us in our bedroom. Makes us ever more fearful of everything else outside. The world doesn't revolve in your bedroom or the confinements of your own house. Go out and enjoy the sun, rejoice the beauty God has created for you outside. Perish depression. Back then love makes you uneasy - now love makes you do stupid things. Babies in dumpsters, STDs, HIV, sex slaves, wife beaters - are just a few. Where is your faith in God and your understanding. You are no Muslim/Christian/Jew, you're named like one, but you are not, animals. God save us all.

It's hard enough now. Imagine how it'll be like for our kids. :'(