Moving On To The Next Step

It's those little things that makes you reflect and say "Wow, I've done a lot back then."

I did quite a few odd jobs before I even started thinking of having a career. Along the way I found and grew up to my own way and my own path. My taste in relationships - lovers and friends - have been tried and tested as well throughout the years in my secondary school towards the end of my college years.

With so many misadventures, twists, headaches and heartaches, I found that I had to experience all of that anyway to finally put my feet on the ground and stand up for what is right for myself and the values that can instil more respect, trust and love towards the people I love and towards myself.

My mom pointed out a paragraph in a Yahoo article this morning of one of my favourite female icons, Michelle Obama:

Advice for women on relationships with spouses and with each other: "Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts ... good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don't hurt. They're not painful. That's not just with somebody you want to marry, but it's with the friends that you choose. It's with the people you surround yourselves with. And that's just as important as the school that you choose. Who's in your life, and do you respect them, and do they respect you? And are you respecting them. Right?

"And we as women in particular—and this is such an important message—starting today, you all have to be supportive of each other. You can't be jealous, and push and trip, you know? It's hard enough."

And I couldn't agree more. For the past few years, my influence towards the people I know differ very much from one another - you'll never really know a person until you live with them and go through the hunger, the lack of sleep and the dirt together. What I thought as a sign of respect, ended up as a fuel for some unknown hate and anger; but for others, it feels nice to see each other after a long break. You see things like this happens in life and fortunately, it's not the end of my life.

Letting it go bit by bit. Occasional tears might well up but at the end of it, I've had pretty good times indeed.

Thriving to be different and to start moving on, I think this time around I'm making one of those choices that will change my life forever - and I'm ready to commit to that.

I'd rather be ridiculously impossible anyways.

Ever tried Googling your name with quotes on? You'd be surprised. ;)

My mum always say never put stuff online especially when you have bad things to say about someone/something. Why? Because putting quotes on restricts google results to only that particular phrase and not those words separately. I mention this because I found some entries about me in the past that I didn't know of. Somewhat unpleasant, and not really nice to know of, but I realize I was a prick, sorry about that - I was growing up and still very immature. That is why I am eternally grateful to have you guys accept me again - with a respectful distance that I like. :)

So my advice is, never put your full name or anybody's full name! Unless you want that person to be forever stamped within the spiders in the world wide web as the evil bad witch you write about, then I rest my case.

And of course, because I love journalling and writing down things when I don't have people to talk to - equivalent to a crazy lady monologuing, that is why I update my Twitter a bit too much to the point that I don't need Facebook.

Sometimes there is a little privacy breach going on there that can affect my relationship with people I care about. Sometimes, looking at pictures of my friends can make me smile, but sometimes, it takes away a little bit of happiness because I wasn't around :(

So the end result is - deactivation. Saves the trouble. If I miss them, I'll text/call/read about them in their personal blog - back to basics!

It's a little bit funny. This feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide - Elton John

Much like an antidote for depression and loneliness, and severe detachment from the social world in real life, this blogging and tweeting habit. What happens next? I have no idea. I tried Experience Project for a while last year, didn't make it quite a habit because there I find many online friends, but not friends I have personally met.

So here we go. Life goes on. :)

Atah's Secret Garden

I like this flower particularly because of the little flower bud next to that blooming flower. So pretty. And it doesn't take much to look so pretty.

There are times in high school where I believed that there were fairies in the garden, and little pixies dancing and hopping on the pebble stones.

I believe this is my grandma's mantra for keeping up with the garden 24/7. Some people drink, some people go to the gym, some people smoke, my grandma takes up gardening to release tension.

There are so many antiques and trinkets, my sister says the garden is like our personal Disneyland. You will always be pleasantly surprised with the little rabbits, snails, and birds hidden somewhere in between the containers.

Meet Phoebe, the opportunistic feline of the house, just waiting for that one moment you glance away from the opened door to bolt out and enjoy the outdoors.

Those Sharks should be Left Starving Out There! Arrr!

I did put on a little weight. So what did I do? I've been at home, eating, resting, recuperating, loving, sleeping, and also, I've been working of course. Time is not to be wasted on the unknown. You can get your head crazy thinking of all of the 'what ifs' questions.

I've been scouting around for paths to take. What should I take, should I continue management studies, should I take on a new subject - engineering or IT perhaps, or should I create an analysis of the current market trends against my wants and needs. It all comes down to this: money - fun - compliance towards religion - life partner - family - money. Notice money is mentioned twice? For now, it is still up for debate. Maybe I might try to apply for cadet, and work my way to settle one thing at a time. With money, I can get what I want easier. That's the only thing bothering me now. I can't help others when I can't help myself. Not that that's all I'm thinking now, but it helps. Been spoilt with having enough, I'd like to have enough for myself as well and return what was given to me by my parents one day. :)

And with him around, things never get old. :D

The car is still in the workshop. That ignorant juvenile with no driving license smashed my bonnet, bumpers and left door. Useless foreman didn't do much of anything but dragged me into that workshop and gave empty promises. Lesson of this accident - never trust those foreman sharks just waiting to get their hands on car accidents. They're only there to drag you into their workshop, get their commission and poof, disappear when there's insurance claims problems. So inconvenient.

Soon I will get back to college and settle that 1.5 years old problem - I still haven't gotten my certificate! Damn it I hate it when I have to travel all the way there! >:(

Wish me luck.

Loves.

I Speak On Behalf of My Comrades

From: <complaintlogs3@gmail.com>;
Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Subject: Reference No: 20110518C11153 - Feedback ON MANAGEMENT - xxxxxx (IC No. :xxxxxxxxx) - xxxxxxx
To: janetwooi@legendagroup.edu.my, xxxxxxx@gmail.com


Dear xxxxxx,

Thank you for submitting your feedback to Legenda Education Group

Reference No : 20110518C11153
Description : To whoever who is holding back my HND Business Certificate,

I am a January 2010 graduate and I still have not received my HND Business certificate.

MARA has recently mailed me the first late payment notice on my doorstep earlier this month. Eventhough I have made the initiative to have my transcript and letter of completed studies certified true by a high ranking government officer, I still couldn''t manage to get MARA to release my loan to convert to scholarship.

I have earned an exemplary 3.88 CGPA and also one of your Outstanding Student (as mentioned in the HND convocation announcement in 2010) which should allow me to convert my MARA loan to scholarship, but could not do so because of the HND certificate that is still held back.

Formerly I would prefer to call and go all the way to the HEP office to file a complaint and request for assistance in this matter but it seems that my matter has fallen on some deaf ears because I have not filed a proper black and white complaint.

As the college has helped progress my education in the past years, I wish that this matter does not change my good feelings towards the college to merely lukewarm.

Please relieve this humble request yet again to release my certificate soonest possible so that I can further my scholarly journey with a peace of mind.

Thank you in advance.



Preferable Time to Rectify.. 1. , 2. ,
We will get back to you as soon as possible. When the representative updates your case online, you will receive email notification that includes a hyperlink to your case so that you can view this update at your convenience. You may also check the progress base on the Reference No in this URL:http://fits.legenda2u.my/complaintStatus_search.aspx

Your case will be handled by janetwooi@legendagroup.edu.my,drkamis@legendagroup.edu.my,shum@legendagroup.edu.my

Best regards,

The Online Feedback Team

Note: So far, no updates yet.

The Fine Line Between These Two Worlds

I woke up today with the melodic voice of the Bilal who calls for Zuhr prayer. Missed yet another Subuh prayer. Bad habits die hard.

I see what is going on right now. The process of simplifying one's life is to remove problems from recurring. The easiest way to do that is to have spring cleaning of your life - remove bad relationship, remove pricks and thorns of a relationship, remove the whole person altogether.

I am very sorry for being a bad friend - what it means to me is beyond me because if you are friend, you are a friend - there is no good or bad, you are friend because I like you and you like me and that's all it is. Pretty simple and innocent but that is how I simplify things in my life.

Recently I talked to my favourite guy about this, and he said why do I always say all the nice things about her to him and not to her. Well, it's an instant reaction of the situation. It's a bad habit of mine to retaliate and fight back when something is hurting me. I told him that I felt like losing a sister, a mother, a child. What it means to me is that this lost, this anger and hurt that I portray lately, is part of my grieving process to accept and forgive that she chooses to no longer have me in her life - to completely delete me off and pretend that I never exists.

I may look like a cold hearted person with no feelings and emotions, but when I get attacked like this, I breakdown and looked for all of the reasons for this to happen. And finally I found it. It has been my fault - from the start, it has always been my fault. I simplify things too much that I overlooked the errors of my ways. If I needed someone, I looked for her because I know she will be there for me - that is how she expects me to reciprocate? But if she needed me, where was I? How was I to know if she needed me if I wasn't always around? How was I to ever know when I am replaced anyways? The gaps were not filled but that doesn't mean I didn't care. No this is not a pointing blame game. I've had enough of all that recently. You made your choice and you stuck to it and I respect that.

It was a total meltdown last night, which I promised to myself will be the last that I'd do for her. I will look at the brighter side of my life - the other sisters, mothers and innocent children in others who are willing to accept me for who I am, despite my flaw of not being a good friend - which is also beyond my life dictionary.

This is all, I love you still, and I will forever remember and cherish the good memories we had. I am sorry I cannot change my flaw. Thank you for putting up with me all this while.

You Can Hit It In The Morning

I swear, these boots are the most comfortable. Worth every hard-earned penny. I feel like going some place faraway to get away from this superficial society. Running away is not the answer though. Will need to be firm and keep myself from being too friendly with trolls.



And who else would want to go through everything with me? We just got into an accident recently. Settled it together like a pro. Dad's not furious. Just worried. He asked us both to eat dinner at home together. How sweet is that? :D Looks like the family is getting accustomed to this guy's presence in my life. Yay!

No those are not stuff i just got. those are junk that i need to throw out to make space for the new stuff! :D Sure we always think that some things hold sentimental value, and that is why we hoard things. But if we hold on to the past, how are we ever going to grow and make some room for the new? Some things need time to process. Please respect that.

Previously in ...[insert your favourite chill out place]....

Haha! I am very very much a social retard I have to google and lookup whether I was having a friendly banter or an argument. I think it was an argument. But nahh, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

To those who are curious enough (including myself) I am going to write about what I've been up to these days. I will feel at ease when I jot these things down. And when I'm calmed and relaxed, spotting opportunities to improve myself is not a very difficult thing to do.

I graduated on January 2010, gotten myself placings in few notable universities in Melbourne and Cardiff, but because of financial constraints and my curiosity to experience the working life, I let go of the placings and started working at few different places - each with different skills and knowledge set to learn.

I learnt that there are many business opportunities available. But they might not be a thing for me because I am very much raw and lacklustre of personality. I realize, being self-conscious like I usually am, that I can't really blend in with the crowd because my interests doesn't really set with the majority of people. So instead of pretending to be someone I'm not, I prefer to just sit back, relax at home and enjoy the company of people who really knows and appreciates me well.

I also learnt how to hastily sponge in new information and apply it in my work to create a masterpiece. Imagine someone with no IT background (you can count editing html or codings in Myspace out) like me to create:

1. A soundtrack for cheerleading with sound effects and nice blending of different songs (like remix songs) with a program called WaveEditor for a PR and consulation company
2. Presentation slides that impress audience and potential clients using SlideMaster and modification of SmartArt and many other attractive details
3. Excel sheet with functions that are smart enough to calculate and analyze complex information as the clients want them to with convincing bars and charts as well
4. And most recently and still ongoing, a pilot database for a private airline with complex VBA codings and macros that runs like a final year project of an Information System and Computer Applications student - according to my colleagues with IT diploma - in 3 months

All of that in almost 1.5 years. I learnt a lot. Alhamdulillah.

If I don't work, I think I'll end up depressed because of

• no money
• no challenge
• feeling of uselessness

Apart from that, I learnt soft skills such as time management. Seriously! How else would you explain to me why I don't spend time (as much as I used to back in the days) anymore to lepak at mamaks? To do all of what I love to do and still go lepak is stretching my energy too far. And the work that I usually do requires my brain to have sufficient rest to avoid brain drain and sudden stop of enthusiasm. So what do I do with my time then? I work, play music, hang with loved ones and spend time on my own - sleeping, grooming, eating etc.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

After writing all that down, I feel more at ease now and I know what to do next. I need to get some sleep and prepare myself for another adventure tomorrow with my favourite guy. Everything seems to be looking up lately. Unsure whether the stumbles that just happened recently will subside but will keep a positive hope that whatever happens is for a reason. You just have to have faith that Allah is there to guide you and keep asking for it. Say your prayers, keep your cool, and appreciate. Amin.

Till next time. Much love.